Oscar M on Sex and Trans Visibility

I remember sitting in sex education class being out as a lesbian but knowing in my mind I was a boy. I felt left out of the entire conversation in more ways than one.

It would never have come up in sex ed back then, but if teenage me was able to learn about trans bodies in school, it would’ve saved me years of confusion. To learn that trans people can conceive, or what happens to our bodies on HRT – why are we only learning about cis bodies in a class about sex?

If I’d learnt it’s okay for some men not to have a penis, I wouldn’t have felt so ashamed. The world is so phallocentric, it made me feel like having a pussy as a man was the most unattractive thing. I could never relax and enjoy sex, because of how people perceived me. I was an experiment, someone else’s toy, ‘something new to try’. It shut me off from moments which could be amazing.

From one-night stands to relationships, navigating sex as a trans person can be hard, but I do find beauty, pleasure and joy in sex and intimacy.

In high school I let boys lead everything. Like most teenagers, I didn’t know better. All I knew about sex is what’s shown in porn or the media. When transitioning, I wanted to be liked so bad, I let people use me as their toy. It was never for my pleasure, only theirs. But you deserve so much more, so learn to love your body, and be strong in your boundaries.

I went through so much of my transition thinking I was disgusting and didn’t see people wanting me beyond as a fetish. There are still times I'm left feeling like a fetish, but I've learned quickly what kind of people to avoid and what people I can work with who just want to amplify me and make me feel comfortable and free.

I didn’t feel I needed to act masculine in the bedroom, and I got to explore things which used to make me feel dysphoric. I knew they would always see me as the man I was, no matter what. It made me feel so empowered to try and make change for other trans men.

I don’t feel any pressures to be masculine in sex anymore. I'm so proud of my genitals and hardly dysphoric in sex ever! I know that navigating this world as a trans person is hard, especially in sex, but I've learned to feel so free and beautiful. I hope to let go even further and keep pushing for trans visibility. I want to see people like me on magazines covers, mainstream media, on billboards, even more within my own queer community! I wanted to see us amplified and empowered.

Online, I create things I would want to watch. I wanted other trans men to feel sexy and seen, to change the narrative of how we are seen within the industry. Placing us in places we weren’t noticed before.

Everyone’s journey is different. Everyone’s wants, needs, and choices in their sex life are so different. So, the best advice I can give is put yourself first and remember that sex is about pleasure. I’m so proud of the man I am today and the work I do. Being trans adds some hurdles, and I know I still have a few to jump over, but I'm on the right path.